Life Now—And Six Months Ago

This week my heart feels bigger.  Bigger in a lot of ways.  Thankful for the love in our lives, the people we share it with and seeing our family grow (NOT pregnant.  We’ve recently welcomed some new nephews to the crew!).

It’s so easy to get lost in the day to day.  Just 6 months ago my brother in law was in a very serious bike vs car accident and I vowed to see life more clearly and stop waiting for it to start, for tomorrows that never come, and start investing in the people in my life and let go of my fears.

Am I different than I was then?  Yes.  Did that experience change me?  Of course.  But not as much as I’d like.  I’m not sure it’s ever as much as we’d like.   The clarity of the days post accident have faded.  Well-remembered when they are, but often out of focus.  I’ve had so many other things orbiting my life that the details of 6 months ago seem—foreign.  Lost.  Ancient even.

When I really think back to those days I feel a little foreign too.  Living in that much awareness after a shock is like being thrown into a 3rd dimension, the details of your life are the same but suddenly in full technicolor, rich and deep but unstable and fleeting.  You don’t know what reality to grab hold of so you just don’t for a while.

It’s with this in my heart and family on my mind that I’ve been thinking a lot about Anne and the adventure our life has been since she entered it.  And it’s not just because she’s a kid.  It’s because she’s Anne.

Here are a few reasons I love being her Mom:

  • The things that inspire the most anger often inspire the most laughter—later.
  • We can’t wait for her to go to bed when she’s melting down and exhausted but miss her once she’s asleep…and seriously consider waking her up just so we can hang out.
  • Tonight she gave me “true love’s kiss” right before she fell asleep.
  • Her Uncle Matt called her to wish her a happy birthday and before he could say anything she yelled “Happy Birthday!” into the phone.  She proceeded to wish everyone a happy birthday all day.
  • Last week she got about 10 mini slivers in both hands from playing the back yard.  I iced her up (a trick I learned from a scalpel fight I had with my dermatologist. Easy anesthetic!) and removed them one by one.  It took like 2-3 sessions over a few days, but before we started she was adamant I not remove them.  This, of course, was before they started to feel sore and irritated.  She said “No!  Not my stripes!  They’re mine!”
  • “Do you like this movie?”  Anne: “A smoothie?!  YES!  I want a smoothie!”  “No.  I said  ‘This. Movie.’ ” Anne: “Smoothie!  Yes a smoothie! Yes please!!”
  • She waits for me to get home from work in the front room.  When I walk in she springs forth from her hiding place (which usually consists of a pillow over her face) and yells “SURPRISE!”
  • “You’re in charge Mommy.  And Daddy’s in charge.  And my blanket is in charge.”
  • Before Ellie had their baby they had a video up of them at the doctor’s office.  Anne wanted to watch the part where they were listening to the heart beat over and over again.  She’d say “Is that my cousin?”
  • She comes home from church a special kind of hyper.  It reminds me of the way I felt in college after a ridiculously fun night out with the girls, super energized and a little bit silly.  She must love her little friends.
  • Anne was running away from Daddy because she didn’t want her diaper changed.  He said “Anne!  It’s not funny!”  Her response?  “It’s a little bit funny Daddy.”   We are in trouble.

 

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